Monday, March 1, 2010

Thinking out loud...

So I've been thinking a lot lately. I graduate in August (hopefully) and I'm super stoked about it. I'm also terrified because by the time I graduate I'll have been in school for 18 years and thats not counting pre-school! What do I do with myself that is not school? I know, I know... get a full time job but that's scary too! I've had a full time job before but this will be like a legit full time job and it freaks me out! Then I'll have to be the "bread winner" while I wait for Troy to finish school. That scares me the most. You and full time jobs have never gotten along too well. I've had 2 full time jobs ever and I worked at each of them for about 4-5 months each before I felt I was going to rip my hair out and run out the door screaming. Granted one of them was a call center...that speaks for itself. I was one of their top agents however! Yes I will toot my own horn! I got perfect scores on all of my call tests. I got free lunch a lot :) But I quickly grew tired of " this is Leslie" and people yelling at me because they got themselves in to debt. So I quit.

Now in 6 months I have to buckle down and find me a full time job that I actually like. Forever, I've been thinking that I would work at a treatment center. Thats been my plan since I was 12. Now I'm 22 soon to be 23 and I'm questioning my "plan." As some of you know I've been interning at Lifeline, a residential treatment center for troubled teens. I've liked it a lot. However, I'm discovering how difficult a job like that might be. I am priviliged to sit in on group therapy and listen to the girls and boys talk about their struggles, addictions and abuses. I've just noticed a lot lately that I'm bringing some of "work" home with me. I don't do it intentionally but I can't help it. Some of the stories that these kids have are some of the hardest/horrifying/saddest stories I've ever heard. And I come home and just think about some of the stuff and I get completely disgusted about humanity. A lot of these kids have pasts I only thought existed in Lifetime movies. Some of the things that they've had to bear literally makes me sick to my stomach. I've just been wondering if I can really handle a job of this difficulty.

ALTHOUGH, I would just like to make mention of one thing. Today was the first time I got to talk to one of the kids about their problems. Typically all I do is observe but today Ariel let me give feedback during her one-on-one with one of the girls. I was sooooooo nervous I was literally shaking but I was trying to act professional. And I about wanted to FLY when the girl said "you're right." I wasn't even sure what I was going to say and words just kind of came out of my mouth. I literally felt like I made a difference today. And it's an awesome feeling. I'm hoping I get the opportunity to talk more to the kids and banish fears of everything a job like this entails. I'm just not sure I can hack it.

But today was awesome. This feeling is why I've always wanted to go in to a helping field.

1 comment:

  1. your experience at work sounds awesome! how great it must feel to know that you are really helping people. especially when you are helping teens, they are the future! good for you les, you're awesome!