Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Bump in progress...

So I decided to do post that is un-related to my 30 things challenge. Mainly because I was excited this morning when I woke up and did my morning "belly check." I don't think I've ever actually called it that to be honest with you... I just stare at my stomach every day for a few minutes to see if I have stopped looking fat and started looking pregnant. I know I'm still pretty small but my stomach is finally starting to round out instead of just looking pudgy. So here is a comparison for you dear friends who live far away and I never see. Or those who live close by and I never see...

I took this picture at 6 weeks just so I had a reference point of what I looked liked "pre pregnancy"...

So here I am today at 16 weeks...And yes those are maternity jeans... sad to say my normal jeans don't fit anymore...

Staring at this pictures makes me realize that the bigger my stomach gets... how much smaller my non-existent bum is going to look.

I know it's not a huge difference but it makes me excited!

P.S. thanks Mal for letting me borrow the jeans!!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

30 things: Days 9, 10, 11

Day 9: Today.... I will keep the TV turned off.

I actually surprised myself at how easy this task was. I watch at least some tv every day. Watching TV is how I unwind from long days, distract myself, entertain myself, etc... So when Thursday rolled around and I had no school and no work I thought "perfect day for no tv" the more challenging the better right?

I woke up and ate breakfast and read the newspaper. Then I resumed working on my final paper for my dietary supplements class. I got a HUGE chunk of that done. Amazing what one can do with fewer distractions. When my brain could no longer handle thinking/writing/reading anymore about green tea extract and caffeine's effect on weight loss I went and hung out with my great friend Lisa! She's pregnant too! in fact she's due only 2 weeks after I am. We chatted about pregnancy related things, husbands, friends, work, you name it I think we covered it. Before I knew it, it was 6pm and Troy was calling me asking where I was. When I got home Troy did have the TV on and I barely watched any of it. I tried my best to stick with "no tv" I read a book while Troy watched tv.

I felt really productive. And despite my brain needing a break I didn't need to tv to do that job. It's amazing what you can do when you don't let tv distract you.

Day 10: Today....I will be myself.

I feel like I'm myself 95% of my days. This might have been harder for me 3-4 years ago when I was still trying to figure out who I was. Believe me I literally went on a quest to find myself and it was a long, scary, exciting, weird, awesome quest and at the end is who I am now. I'm still discovering things about myself. I don't think the journey is ever truly over but I no longer feel the need to pretend I'm something I'm not to please someone else. It's not always easy.

On friday "being myself" apparently meant being my pregnant hormonal self. I cried and kept crying. I cried for no reason, which led me to more crying about being mad that I was crying for no reason and then I cried because I was embaressed at how hard I was crying in front of my husband for no apparent reason. Pretty sure Troy thought I was crazy. I felt crazy. I took my friend Mallory's advice when I told her what was happening, "being pregnant sucks. Just cry it out." So I did. I let myself be who I was at that moment. A pregnant, emotional, loon. I felt better.

Day 11: Today.... I will finish my paper.

Ok so this particular today wasn't on the list of stuff I'm going to give to the Lifeline kids. I made that one up for myself. I really really needed to finish my paper that is due on monday so that I could turn it into a powerpoint presentation that is also due on Monday. And even though it was Saturday and the holiday and there were about 5 kajillion other things I would have rather been doing... I finished my paper. And it feels great. I've been working on that stupid piece of crap for 3 weeks now! It has swallowed my life. My dietary supplements class is one of several graduate level classes I've had to take for my minor. While none of them have been terribly hard they have been incredibly time consuming. So believe me when I say this "today" was much needed.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

30 things: Day 6, 7, 8

I've decided that I really dislike blogging everyday. I don't mind blogging until I have to do it.

Day 6: Today...I forgot.

I'm going to be completely honest. Monday rolled around and I completely spaced doing a "Today..." I blame my pregnant brain.

Day 7: Today... I will think about my values.

I found this definition of values that I really liked, "a collection of guiding, usually positive principles; what one deems to be correct and desirable in life, especially regarding personal conduct"

I value...
Freedom of choice
Freedom of speech
Human rights
Freedom in general

So there they are. Those aren't my only values, just the ones I came up with during my pondering. The ones I thought were most important anyway.

What are your values?

Day 8: Today... I will do well.

Yesterday I decided to do my best at everything I did. I had my last ever staff meeting with my Max job yesterday. I hate staff meetings. You'd think after a year that I'd stop being nervous of going in front of the same 4 people every 2 weeks and demonstrating my ABA skills. Nope. Most definitely not. I still got nervous. When I told myself "I will do well" my nerves subsided a bit. My last ever staff meeting sitting went pretty well. In fact I did well.

I went home and did homework for a few hours and emailed part of my paper to my teacher to have him look over it to make sure I was doing it right. He said my paper was "spot on!" and that if I keep it up I'll be "golden." I did well.

Then I went to my Rec Center job and did well there too.

I think this whole "doing well" thing isn't about being the best at everything but just doing your best. If you do your best (even if you're not the best) you'll still do well.

What am I doing today for Day 9 you ask?? No tv. That's right. No tv. And I'm home alone all day! Well I decided to do no TV until Troy gets home. He'll inevitably turn the tv on to ESPN when he gets home. He's not doing this with me.

Monday, July 19, 2010

30 things: Day 3, 4 & 5

While I wasn't very good at blogging...I have a life. I still followed through on my 3o days.

Day 3: Today... I will love my body.

I hope it's not just me but I really struggle some days being happy in my body. Especially after I flip through a Victoria's Secret catalog. I literally rarely read that catalog because I get so down on myself for not looking like one of them. Even though I know they are freaks of nature for being skinny and curvy at the same time.

You can ask my husband that being pregnant hasn't exactly helped me with my own body image. I'm in this awkward stage of being pregnant enough to look fat but not pregnant enough to look pregnant. My "skinny" jeans don't fit anymore (the button actually popped off my favorite shorts while I was wearing them) and my other pants are starting to feel uncomfortable. And I know... believe me I know that gaining weight is what I'm supposed to do right now. I know it's healthy for my baby. I know it's perfectly normal. I think it's just hard to wrap my head around when for the past 23 years (ok maybe not 23 but a long time) it's been taboo to gain weight.

So here is what I did. On friday, instead of just wearing my sweats all day like I usually do because they are most comfortable and I got ready. I made myself look pretty and I did feel pretty minus how tight my jeans were around my waist. I also made a list of all the things I love about my body. Here they are in no particular order.

I love that I have the ability to grow and nurture another life inside of me.
I love that my body breathes, pumps blood, etc... without me even having to think about it.
I love that my body has it's own defense system and knows what to do if I put something bad inside of it (i.e. food poisoning, bacteria)
I love that I can walk and run.
I love how smart my body is... it does all sorts of things that I don't even know it's doing.
I love my boobs (sorry if that's tmi but I like mine!)
I love that I have super skinny fingers
I love that I have joints that allow me to bend

Day 4: Today... I will be kind to those around me.

I am not always the nicest person. Not that I think I'm super mean but I know there are times when I am not so nice. I chose this "today" because I knew that I would be working with people who are not my favorite people to work with. I think they are great people outside of work but when it comes to working with them they are just not super smart.

They both have been working at the rec center for a few months now, which is long enough to know how to do a lot of things but they ask me questions and I want to be like "really? will you think about what you just said?" Or, on the things they do know how to to do they tell me the supervisor how to do something and sometimes it takes literally all of the strength inside of me to not say something like..."yes I know! I've worked here for 7 years." I know that I can come off as being short or sometimes overly sarcastic towards them. So I decided to be as nice as possible. Which tried me.

While with the one girl she drove me crazy the entire time and I literally would smile and nod and then I would go busy myself with something else. The other girl I sat and talked to for a little bit and it turned out that I kinda like her. I liked myself a lot more for being nice to them too. When I sort of brush someone off or I'm short with someone I feel guilty about being mean. Saturday was pretty much a guilt free day (however I do feel guilty for telling another co-worker in passing that I might commit suicide tonight having to be alone with those two). I shouldn't spread my meanness around. While sometimes it's not easy to be nice I don't feel like such a jerk. And I'm sure people like me better when I'm nice too.

Day 5: Today... I will be grateful for my family

This one was easy peasy. I LOVE MY FAMILY. All of them. I love my immediate family, my extended family and yes even my in-laws. Before I was married I always heard about people complaining about their in laws but I was pretty lucky in that department. Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in because I was raised sooo differently then my husband. It's taken me some time to find my place in their tight knit family but I think I'm starting to fit in.

I'm grateful for my mom for doing everything possible to make me happy growing up. She worked really hard and I know being a single mom couldn't be easy.
I'm grateful for my dad and the things I have learned from his life.
I'm soooooo grateful for my husband. He's kind, generous, loving, funny, fun, super hot, and gives way more than he gets. Sometimes I don't know how he puts up with me. He always knows how to make me smile and takes great care of me. I definitely lucked out in the husband department.
I'm grateful for my extended family. They're all so different and I learn so much from them.
I'm grateful for my in laws for being accepting of me and for creating such a wonderful human being who is now the most spectacular husband.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Thirty things: Day 2

Today.... I will care about school.

I chose this one because seeing that I'm in the last few weeks of my (undergraduate) college career I've really stopped caring. It's summer time and I'm just so "schooled out" that I have no motivation. I still get my assignments done but I lack desire.

This was actually reeeally hard for me. I did all of my homework today that needed to be done this week. I wanted to get a head start on my paper that's due in a week and half but I seriously just couldn't do it. I stared at a blank word document screen. I didn't even write my name. This is my final project and also my biggest. It would have really helped to get a head start on it. I'm not sure what it is about me and procrastination... I seem to do better at homework when the deadline is fast approaching. I hope this doesn't carry on when I go to graduate school *some day*

So I didn't do as well at this goal as I could have. I did get all of my online homework done and thats not due until Sunday night. So that's saying something... right? I admit, I am imperfect. But at least I don't have to worry about it over the weekend! Seeing as I don't have one because I'm working. I can see how not procrastinating can be helpful :)

Today... I tried to care about school.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

30 things: Day 1

Today.... I will have an excellent day.

That was my goal today, have an excellent day. I know that that sounds pretty easy, it's not like I really had to do anything other than to avoid having a bad day.... But it wasn't just a good day, or a not so bad day it had to be an excellent day. Which if you think about it can be pretty hard!

I admit that I can let just one thing ruin my day. So today when I woke up I was determined to have an excellent day no matter what (I did let myself have one exception... If Troy died... that could be a bad day).

I woke up and went to work with Max. Max was not having a great day... we had a nice 40 minute tantrum of him screaming, crying and throwing things at me. Sometimes his tantrums ruin my work day. So I kept telling myself "Today we will have an excellent therapy session!" And after I got him calmed down (with the help of his mom). We did go on to have an excellent therapy session! He seriously impressed me with one of his programs today. He also made me laugh pretty hard when he re-enacted the movie ice age for me. And we had a lot of fun playing.
Session with Max...excellent.

When I got home I wondered to myself "What would make my day excellent?" Immediately, I knew all the chips and salsa my pregnant body could handle would make my day excellent. Also, a nice relaxing unwind time in front of the tv. While I was in the middle of watching Toddlers and Tiaras I realized something... While tv is nice, it's not excellent. So I gave my feet some much needed TLC and gave myself a pedicure. After that I went to this store Kid to Kid that I have been wanting to check out. After that I decided that since I actually really enjoy cooking that I would make dinner. I made pasta and homemade alfredo sauce. My mom and I had a great chat. And then tonight I got to hang out with one of my best friends Mara. We went to the gym and talked about pretty much everything. Oh and I got to see my cute husband too :)

Today really was an excellent day. It really opened my eyes to how much we really have control over things. I think too often we let little things get to us, or we just let ourselves get bogged down by the monotony of life and only let ourselves have "ok days." So maybe if you're having a "bad day" or even just an "ok day" make your day better! Treat yourself to something! You don't have to do anything big. I gave myself a pedicure because pregnant college students don't always have money to spend on such luxuries. I discovered a store I'm really excited about! And I saw some of my favorite people. Little things can make a big difference!

Today... I had an excellent day.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

30 little things

For the past 7 months I have been interning at Lifeline which is a residential treatment center for troubled teens. And one of my goals there is to run my very own group therapy. I actually don't know if this goal is actually going to happen. Every time I think about going up and "teaching" these kids anything I get incredibly nervous.

I've decided to do my group (that may or may not happen) on the little things you can do to change your life. I decided to issue the kids a challenge that for 5 days they have to pick 5 little things they can do from a list I provided them. They only have to do one thing each day. And at the end of the day they need to write down what they did and about their experience. It's mostly a challenge to get them to change their thinking perceptions, etc...

I have decided that I will issue this challenge to myself BUT to make it a little more interesting... I'm going to do 30 things for 30 days. And I will blog about it. Starting tomorrow of course :)

So there you have it. Please feel free to make sure I stick to this...

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


I am depressed.
it's seriously awful.
If you know me even kind of well...
you know that I refer to myself as
and he is leaving me!

For stinky chicago.

I realize that at the end of the day basketball is his job.
And if I was offered 80 million for 5 years
I'd leave too.

I will miss him.

especially this face....

How can you not get excited about basketball when he does this???

Monday, July 5, 2010

Dear Second Trimester,

Thanks for finally showing up! Your sister 1st trimester was incredibly unkind. The first few weeks of my pregnancy she left me in debilitating pain (after several doctors visits nothing wrong could be found) and nausea all day and all night. Leaving me to carry around a gallon ziploc bag everywhere I went "just in case." The last couple of weeks weren't so bad but she decided to go out with a bang. I puked my guts out Saturday morning and was tired and weak the rest of the day. I hear you're the much kinder of the 3 trimesters. I hope this holds true. I look forward to working with you over the next 3 months. But please don't stay long.