I've been really discouraged lately. Not about anything in particular that I want to talk about. I was sitting on my front porch last night watching all of the cars drive past on my busy street. That's what I do when I want a little me time/time to think. Watching cars drive by has some sort of soothing effect for me. That's when I was reminded of something.
Two years ago this month I was searching for a new part time job. I was looking for something in the psychology field. If you only have a Bachelor's in psychology most employers want at least a year of related experience. I was graduating in a little over a year so if I wanted to be able to apply for the good jobs when I graduated I needed to start now. I remember I prayed and prayed to help me find the job that would prepare me for what I wanted to do in the future.
It didn't take me long to find the perfect job. The job was working with a family who's little boy has autism and doing ABA therapy with him in his home. It was in my field, a mile from my house, perfect hours for my school schedule, I could still keep my other job and to top it all off it paid really well. I emailed the mom to see if the position was still open and before I even had time to put my resume together she emailed back about an interview. I seriously felt like the stars had aligned. I had a really good feeling about this job. You know that feeling...where you know you're supposed to be doing something? I was so excited! I met with the mom for an interview and I got the job.
I was so grateful. I knew the stars really had aligned and Heavenly Father helped me find this amazing opportunity. I was floating on a cloud. Then I started actually working and I immediately came crashing back down to earth. This job was h-a-r-d. Learning the therapy programs was more complicated than I had imagined. Keeping all of the rules straight of when you should do this, when you should do that and when there are exceptions to where you should be doing something different. To make matters worse, we had weekly staff meetings where I had to go in front of the mom, the lead therapist and the other aides and do what we called "sittings". I kind of really sucked in the beginning. I get really nervous in front of people and then having to sit there and have everyone tell me what I did wrong made me want to throw up.
Also, I don't know how many of you have ever been around someone who has autism but it's not an easy disorder. Sometimes he was the sweetest little boy who I wanted to smother with hugs and kisses. Other times I was almost in tears.
It was a surprise every day. Maybe today he'd be happy and laughing and we'd have a lot of fun. Or maybe today would be rough and he'd pull out another clump of my hair, slap me, throw stuff at me, kick, bite, pinch, claw, scream at me. Some days I would literally come home covered with bruises and scratches.
There were moments I wanted to quit. I had days I would come home, cry and dread having to go back the next day. I questioned why I had been lead to this job. Obviously, this job is too hard. Maybe I had made a mistake, maybe Heavenly Father had made a mistake.
And now two years later... jobless. I have figured out why I needed that job. It wasn't to prepare me for my future career. I needed that job to prepare me to be a mother. When I started that job in July of 2009, I had no plans of getting pregnant 9 months later. This job taught me mothering skills. Patience, kindness and perseverance. It taught me to love someone despite the moments when they've been a complete terror. It taught me to let loose and that it's OK to be silly. Kids love silly. It also taught me a million other things I probably have yet to realize or discover.
Anyway, my reminder last night was that when there are discouraging moments in life, moments when I question what I am doing or I question if Heavenly Father knows what he is doing...He does. I might think I know what I need preparing for, but I don't know all of the answers. I just need to have faith to get through this moment because I know he has something planned for me.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
hair today, gone tomorrow
I am by no means a hair stylist but I sure do love cutting Troy's hair. He lets me do whatever I want. Troy's latest 'do is inspired by my cousin's little boy Wilson. Since I have no little boy to give a mohawk to... I improvise.
presenting Troy's mohawk....
I mean I don't think he delivers the same cuteness effect that Wilson does. It does however, suit him quite well.
I also had a very good hair day the other day. I took a picture of it just to document it. Usually whenever I try to curl my hair I look like the love child of Shirley Temple and Orphan Annie. I must have skipped the doing hair spurt during puberty. I've been practicing curling my hair during nap times. So forgive me but I'm just really impressed with myself.
I tried to curl my hair like this again today because troy and I are going on date. It's not as bad as love child but not nearly this good. Oh well.
presenting Troy's mohawk....
I mean I don't think he delivers the same cuteness effect that Wilson does. It does however, suit him quite well.
I also had a very good hair day the other day. I took a picture of it just to document it. Usually whenever I try to curl my hair I look like the love child of Shirley Temple and Orphan Annie. I must have skipped the doing hair spurt during puberty. I've been practicing curling my hair during nap times. So forgive me but I'm just really impressed with myself.
I tried to curl my hair like this again today because troy and I are going on date. It's not as bad as love child but not nearly this good. Oh well.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
random thoughts for today
1. I'm not sure I'll ever be a clutter free person. I'm trying to obtain this skill though.
2. How many times can a person introduce themselves to you before you can say "We've met, several times actually." And not be considered rude? We've been in our ward a year now and there is a lady at church who never remembers me. Last Sunday was either the 4th or 5th time she's asked "Are you new in our ward? I haven't seen you before." I actually really wanted to say to her "We've met. You've asked me to pray twice in sunday school. I've talked in church and I sing in ward choir with you." Alas, I refrained and gave her my name for the 4th or 5th time. To which she replied, "Oh ok. That maybe sounds familiar." Maybe? {sigh}.
3. I'm seriously rethinking this 10k thing. Seriously.
4. I love summer mornings.
5. My trainer kicks my trash and I love her for it.
6. I've read lots of parenting books {ok more like online articles} about not letting your baby get used to falling asleep in your arms too often. And I don't care. I love holding my daughter more than anything. I'd rather hold her too much than later regret not having enough of these moments.
7. I need someone to go jogging with in the morning around 8:30 or 9. Any takers?
8. I watch way too much tv.
9. Being a stay at home mom gets lonely sometimes.
10. I love my magic bullet! {Thanks, Kerstin!}
2. How many times can a person introduce themselves to you before you can say "We've met, several times actually." And not be considered rude? We've been in our ward a year now and there is a lady at church who never remembers me. Last Sunday was either the 4th or 5th time she's asked "Are you new in our ward? I haven't seen you before." I actually really wanted to say to her "We've met. You've asked me to pray twice in sunday school. I've talked in church and I sing in ward choir with you." Alas, I refrained and gave her my name for the 4th or 5th time. To which she replied, "Oh ok. That maybe sounds familiar." Maybe? {sigh}.
3. I'm seriously rethinking this 10k thing. Seriously.
4. I love summer mornings.
5. My trainer kicks my trash and I love her for it.
6. I've read lots of parenting books {ok more like online articles} about not letting your baby get used to falling asleep in your arms too often. And I don't care. I love holding my daughter more than anything. I'd rather hold her too much than later regret not having enough of these moments.
7. I need someone to go jogging with in the morning around 8:30 or 9. Any takers?
8. I watch way too much tv.
9. Being a stay at home mom gets lonely sometimes.
10. I love my magic bullet! {Thanks, Kerstin!}
Monday, June 13, 2011
Isabel: 5 months
Dear Izzie,
What a crazy month it has been! As always you are bigger (you've started wearing your 9 months sized clothes and they're only just a little too long for you) and getting cuter by the second.
The first two weeks of this past month you decided that you were much too cool for your binky. You temporarily weaned yourself from it. I had a love/hate relationship with this moment. I loved that I wouldn't have to wean you from it myself. However I hated trying to find other less effective methods of soothing you. All you wanted to do was suck on something but your binky just wasn't cutting it. At this time you also decided that going to bed at 11-11:30pm, waking up for about 30 min to an hour at 3am, and then getting up for the day at 6:30am was the way to go. Did I mention that you also refused to nap during the day? The only way I could get you to fall asleep at night or for a short 30 min nap during the day was holding you until you screamed yourself asleep. It was a rough couple of weeks for us both. There were a few days where I put you in your crib with a toy and shut the door and I laid down for a quick power nap. Fortunately, that phase has passed us and we're back to our routine.
Despite that minor blip you have been an absolute joy! You love to play and laugh. You make the silliest noises and sometimes you are so loud I can't even hear your dad talking when he is sitting right next to me. You've tried solid foods (carrots and sweet potatoes) and you seem a little unsure about them. You preferred the carrots though. You've only had solids a few times though because I've decided to hold off on them for a bit.
You can roll from both your back to your tummy and your tummy to your back now. Except you're pretty lazy and you don't do it very often unless there is something you really want just out of reach. You're dad is probably you're favorite person. Whenever he walks in to the room you can't keep your attention on anything you're supposed to be doing (i.e. eating) you just stare and smile at him all the time. You love playing together and he can always get you to smile the biggest. You also have developed an affinity for water bottles. You're kind of obsessed with them actually. It all started the day you kept reaching for mine so I let you try a drink from it. I can't have a water bottle remotely near you without you trying to steal it. If you see one your face lights up and sometimes you say "Oooo!" just at the sight. You love to take sips from them and you've actually gotten pretty good at it for a 5 month old baby. You won't drink water if I put it in your bottle though. Like I said, you're obsessed with water bottles.
You've been around a few other babies your same age this month too. It's been fun to compare you and see what is baby and what is personality. You're such an observant little one. You don't like seeing too many new faces at once. You have to let everything soak in before you can be passed around. You don't give out smiles to strangers that's for sure. Instead you give them a cute little scowl. It's fine by me though. As long as I get to see your big sweet smiles.
We love you so much pretty girl!
Love, Mom.
What a crazy month it has been! As always you are bigger (you've started wearing your 9 months sized clothes and they're only just a little too long for you) and getting cuter by the second.
The first two weeks of this past month you decided that you were much too cool for your binky. You temporarily weaned yourself from it. I had a love/hate relationship with this moment. I loved that I wouldn't have to wean you from it myself. However I hated trying to find other less effective methods of soothing you. All you wanted to do was suck on something but your binky just wasn't cutting it. At this time you also decided that going to bed at 11-11:30pm, waking up for about 30 min to an hour at 3am, and then getting up for the day at 6:30am was the way to go. Did I mention that you also refused to nap during the day? The only way I could get you to fall asleep at night or for a short 30 min nap during the day was holding you until you screamed yourself asleep. It was a rough couple of weeks for us both. There were a few days where I put you in your crib with a toy and shut the door and I laid down for a quick power nap. Fortunately, that phase has passed us and we're back to our routine.
Despite that minor blip you have been an absolute joy! You love to play and laugh. You make the silliest noises and sometimes you are so loud I can't even hear your dad talking when he is sitting right next to me. You've tried solid foods (carrots and sweet potatoes) and you seem a little unsure about them. You preferred the carrots though. You've only had solids a few times though because I've decided to hold off on them for a bit.
You can roll from both your back to your tummy and your tummy to your back now. Except you're pretty lazy and you don't do it very often unless there is something you really want just out of reach. You're dad is probably you're favorite person. Whenever he walks in to the room you can't keep your attention on anything you're supposed to be doing (i.e. eating) you just stare and smile at him all the time. You love playing together and he can always get you to smile the biggest. You also have developed an affinity for water bottles. You're kind of obsessed with them actually. It all started the day you kept reaching for mine so I let you try a drink from it. I can't have a water bottle remotely near you without you trying to steal it. If you see one your face lights up and sometimes you say "Oooo!" just at the sight. You love to take sips from them and you've actually gotten pretty good at it for a 5 month old baby. You won't drink water if I put it in your bottle though. Like I said, you're obsessed with water bottles.
You've been around a few other babies your same age this month too. It's been fun to compare you and see what is baby and what is personality. You're such an observant little one. You don't like seeing too many new faces at once. You have to let everything soak in before you can be passed around. You don't give out smiles to strangers that's for sure. Instead you give them a cute little scowl. It's fine by me though. As long as I get to see your big sweet smiles.
We love you so much pretty girl!
Love, Mom.
Monday, June 6, 2011
the big 2-4
I had the most super stupendous birthday a girl could ask for! I never liked my birthday very much growing up. My birthday always fell a day or two after school got out for the summer so there were always a million things going on. Lots of people left for vacation or there were always "schools out" pool parties. It's hard to compete with those kids who have pools. Sprinklers anyone?
Troy always tries to make my birthday special for me. And he most certainly accomplishes it every year! Minus the year when we had just started dating. That year I was interning at X96 for Radio From Hell. I got to meet Panic At The Disco that day and when they found out it was my birthday they gave me 2 free tickets to their concert. I invited Troy and he declined because he already made plans to play basketball. What a lame-o! I still give him a hard time about it.
So my day started when I woke up at 6:15 and couldn't go back to sleep. Troy got up with me and we watched season one of Lost on Netflix until Izzie woke up. After Izzie woke up and had some breakfast Troy gave me my gifts. He got me the latest Lady Gaga album and a shirt with this guy's face on it...
If you're not familiar, this is John Cena. He's a wrestler for the WWE and I'm a tad bit obsessed with him. I don't even watch wrestling but I will turn it on from time to time if I know he's on. He is my celebrity crush.
After presents we decided it was time to clean the house. So we turned up my new Lada Gaga CD and danced in the kitchen as we cleaned. Izzie loved it. Her face would light up with a big smile when Troy and I would break out the dance moves for her while she sat in the bouncer. Big smiles very similar to this one.
This is my favorite smile she makes. It's so goofy.
After that Troy and I went to The Olive Garden and then to my favorite miniature golf course out in Layton called Swan Lakes. Troy's parents watched Izzie for us. We had a really good time. I wanted to be a really good blogger and have all these pictures for you so I brought my camera to document the whole thing. Unfortunately we only got one picture and then my camera battery died. So here is our one picture from my birthday! Mara took some later that day so hopefully I can post those too.
After golfing we went to a BBQ for our niece Allison. Her birthday is 2 days after mine. It was delicious food as always :) And last but not least after Allison's BBQ we went back to our house and a few close friends came over for some ice cream cake.
I really had a fabulous day. Turning 24 wasn't as horrible as I thought it might be. 24 just sounds so old to me. But I'm only getting older so I guess I better get used to it.
Troy always tries to make my birthday special for me. And he most certainly accomplishes it every year! Minus the year when we had just started dating. That year I was interning at X96 for Radio From Hell. I got to meet Panic At The Disco that day and when they found out it was my birthday they gave me 2 free tickets to their concert. I invited Troy and he declined because he already made plans to play basketball. What a lame-o! I still give him a hard time about it.
So my day started when I woke up at 6:15 and couldn't go back to sleep. Troy got up with me and we watched season one of Lost on Netflix until Izzie woke up. After Izzie woke up and had some breakfast Troy gave me my gifts. He got me the latest Lady Gaga album and a shirt with this guy's face on it...
If you're not familiar, this is John Cena. He's a wrestler for the WWE and I'm a tad bit obsessed with him. I don't even watch wrestling but I will turn it on from time to time if I know he's on. He is my celebrity crush.After presents we decided it was time to clean the house. So we turned up my new Lada Gaga CD and danced in the kitchen as we cleaned. Izzie loved it. Her face would light up with a big smile when Troy and I would break out the dance moves for her while she sat in the bouncer. Big smiles very similar to this one.
This is my favorite smile she makes. It's so goofy.After that Troy and I went to The Olive Garden and then to my favorite miniature golf course out in Layton called Swan Lakes. Troy's parents watched Izzie for us. We had a really good time. I wanted to be a really good blogger and have all these pictures for you so I brought my camera to document the whole thing. Unfortunately we only got one picture and then my camera battery died. So here is our one picture from my birthday! Mara took some later that day so hopefully I can post those too.
After golfing we went to a BBQ for our niece Allison. Her birthday is 2 days after mine. It was delicious food as always :) And last but not least after Allison's BBQ we went back to our house and a few close friends came over for some ice cream cake.
I really had a fabulous day. Turning 24 wasn't as horrible as I thought it might be. 24 just sounds so old to me. But I'm only getting older so I guess I better get used to it.
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