Ceramics

Today was my first ever summer semester class. It was also my first class that I've ever taken at the Bountiful extension. What is that class you might ask? Ceramics.

And not just any ceramics class. It's a wheel pottery class.

You see I decided to take this class because I needed to
A) fill some elective credit
B) it's only 6 weeks and its 4 credits
C) I sucked at the wheel in high school and I am determined to conquer it.

Perhaps, the wheel is not my forte. I sucked royally. I'm sitting there in between Dick and Eeli (yes those are their real names I honestly thought they were kidding me when I asked them). And in case you were wondering Eeli is an atheist with a tattoo on his forearm that reads "Jesus is" and another tattoo on his calf of the virgin mary. Anyway, back to my story. I'm sitting in between Dick and Eeli who are practically the Leonardo Da Vinci's of pottery and all I can do is center the dang thing into a patty. I was also supposed to make a cone once it was a patty to help center it some more or something...I could not do a cone.

So I did what any other studious student would do. I asked for help. So my instructor John comes over to help me. He tells me that I am "violating the clay." Personally, I didn't know that was possible. He then helps me by putting his hands over my hands and of course I can do it perfectly. Which just fyi the whole hands over hands thing was not all Ghost like and creepy. Just guiding me....

So then I keep trying it by myself and it's just not working so he says "here do this" and does this thing with his hand. I do the thing that is too hard describe without showing...And he says "Oh, well I don't know what to say. I've never seen anyones fingers not be able to do that."

You see my pinkies are crooked and abnormally short so my pinky doesn't line up correctly. So I am apparently pottery retarded. After I have a little more help I make a half way decent looking bowl which of course breaks. And then I give up and decide it's time to get ready to leave anyway. So I bring my violated clay over to the wedging table to be wedged and I notice that I am the only one with clay that is dripping wet. So I'm trying to wedge my clay dry and it is not working. So the girl next to me says "you put that powder stuff in it to help dry it" so I think, "oh right yes!" And begin putting handfuls of said powder into my dripping clay. Turns out that the powder...is not for drying purposes. John (my instructor) comes over to help me and after I tell him that i've put in lots of that "stuff" to "help dry" he tells me..."that is not a drying agent." He begins to explain to me that the powder is some sort of special stuff to help make the clay sticky but if you put too much in the clay it becomes rubbery and basically ruins your clay.

After assessing my clay he says "you have really abused your clay" but we won't be able to find out just how "abused" my clay is until Wednesday's class.

Luckily for me I think my instructor felt bad for me and told me that he'll give me more clay instead of making me pay for new clay if my clay has been overly abused.

Moral of the story: I am a clay violater and abuser. Don't let me near your clay.