one year pics!

Izzie had her pictures taken by the amazing Paige Davis for her first birthday. Check out Paige's website if you haven't already. She is stellar and you should hire her. You will also see Izzie's picture as a link to visit the website. My daughter is just that adorable.

We got some great ones. But if you've ever met my darling child you know that if she doesn't know you she gets shy and just stares at you. She made Paige and I work for the cute smiley shots.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures. Please don't copy them {as in ctrl + c kind of copy}. I shrunk the images and everything. She's all mine and I'd like her to stay that way :)

It got a little rough for her towards the end. She was a great sport though.

Love you bizzie!

ugh.

This is long... and I won't be offended if you don't read it. It's more for me anyway.

I've had this awful icky sick to my stomach feeling for the past 24 hours.
No I'm not sick.

I need to get this off my chest but I don't really want to write about it because I'm nervous that people will think, "Wow Leslie, you're kinda dumb."

Maybe I am... but please don't say it.

In an effort to keep my new years resolution of being more honest on my blog... here goes.

Yesterday Izzie was sick with a fever and not well enough to go to daycare. I called and cancelled daycare. I tried to get a sub for school but it was too late so they just had to cancel PE. No biggie really. I told my daycare lady that I would keep her posted on whether Izzie got better over the course of the day.

By 6:00pm Izzie still had a fever around 100. So I decided to cancel daycare tomorrow as well. So I called and then I asked as well meaning as ever,

"Since I cancelled on you so last minute this week am I supposed
to pay you?"

to which my daycare lady snapped at me with her thick Italian attitude,

"Well since you've never paid when the baby has been gone in the past... I don't expect you to start paying now!"

I was seriously taken aback. At first I had no idea what she was talking about and then suddenly I realized what she was referring too. Since I "teach" PE I get all school holidays off...unpaid.

Fall break.
Thanksgiving break.
Christmas break.
etc...

She has never said one word to me before this. Not one. I don't remember her ever telling me this or ever signing anything other than a consent form for Ipecac if it were ever needed. I remember her telling me during our interview that she closes for standard holidays. In turn, I told that was fine because I work at school and get all school holidays off so I wouldn't need her then. She never said anything like, "you need to pay me even if you aren't using my services."

In retrospect, when I think about it, I can understand and see the logic in paying her even when I don't need her. It just bugs me that if she expected me to pay her, that she never said anything to me. Instead she just held on to this resentment. I've never had a child in daycare before. How the heck am I supposed to know? I was pissed. And hurt. She's been acting indifferent to me since Izzie came back from Christmas break.
Now I know why.

I went to bed all worked up about it and I'm still thinking about it now {obviously}. And my damn conscious is telling me I should pay her for all of my "breaks". But the {embarrassing} truth... I can't afford it. I can't afford any sort of back payments. I can't afford to pay her when I'm not working and not bringing in money. Daycare already takes half of my paycheck. And we really need that other half to you know...like... live.

So that's that. I'm annoyed at how she went about the situation. I probably could have gotten the money if I had known about it. If she had told me before she got all lame. But now that money is gone and has been used for other things.
Now I feel like she's always going to hate me and that I'm the "bad client". And this combined with a few other things that have happened make me want to find a new daycare provider.
I wish we had family close by that was able to watch Izzie. Finding daycare sucks.

So there you have it. Honest to blog this is how I'm feeling right now.

monday musings

I love Vick's Vapor Rub. Seriously I think it belongs on the 10 most awesome things invented list {if there is such a thing}. I love it because when Izzie is coughing in the middle of the night I can just rub some on her chest while she's sleeping without waking her up BEFORE her cough wakes her up.

I've been going through some serious sugar withdrawals lately. I give in every time. Fail.

Each new stage Izzie goes through gives me anxiety. I'm always afraid I'm doing something wrong.

Anyone have any tips for the best way to wean a bottle loving baby from her bottle?

These black bean burgers are delicious. You really need to try them. I hadn't made them in a while and I forgot how good they are.

I've been a total slacker lately. A slacker of many things.

I really need to post about Izzie's birthday but I just have had no desire. I hate uploading pictures... it takes forever.

Parenthood is my new favorite TV show.

I'm so tired but I don't want to go to bed even though I have to get up early.

I really need to get back on the healthy eating train.

Speaking of eating... I'm starving but it's 11:40pm so I shall refrain.

I've had a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch every day for the past week. I forgot how delicious they were!

I just realized Troy is reading my post over my shoulder good thing I didn't write anything scandalous ;)

Ok I'm going to bed now.

Isabel: ONE YEAR

Izzie,

My one year old. I have a one year old. I'm in disbelief. Taylor Swift's song "Never Grow Up" has been playing in my head all week. I'm not sure I'll even be able to get through this letter with out at least a tear or two.

All day I've been thinking about the day you came in to the world. I was remembering random little details. Like how I was starving but they would only let me eat popsicles. I only wanted banana ones. I was the only mom in Labor and Delivery all day that entire day! The nurses kept commenting on how weird it was that no one else had come in. You were the only baby born at LDS hospital that day. Unless someone came in sometime between 8pm-11:59m that day that I wasn't aware of.

You have changed my life. I look at everything in a new way now. I notice little things more. I love seeing things the way you see them. You humble me every day. Every time I think I'm getting this whole mom thing down you surprise me with something new. I've never been tested in so many ways...big and small. Yet I've never experienced such joy! You make me smile at least 100 times a day.

This month I've been beginning to get glimpses of what toddlerhood will be like. You've been needy and whiny these days. You have discovered the tantrum. If you don't get what you want you throw yourself on the floor and scream. It's actually pretty funny. It looks like we might have a little drama queen on our hands! Good thing I've been trained in ABA!

Your little personality is so silly. You love to fake laugh. And you give big cheesy grins. You still get so quiet around people you aren't familiar with but you are so much quicker to warm up. You love to share. You are always trying to share your binky with me.

It seems like every day you do something new. You can make kissy noises and you can point at what you want. Every time you see a phone or something you think is phone {like a remote} you pick it up and put it to your ear and say "eh!" We assume you mean "hi". Your new favorite toy is the garbage can. You figured out how to open the lid and you think that is pretty great. Mom and dad think that it's pretty gross.

You love feeding yourself. Your favorite food right now is spaghetti with sauce.

I love you so much little girl. I am so lucky I get to be your mom. Thanks for putting up with me and being patient with me as I try to figure out this whole mom thing.

Love,
Mom

Why yes that is Drano under there... don't worry we have since baby proofed that cupboard.

Cheesy grin

Happy Birthday!

Resolute Resolutions 2012

Here are my resolutions in no particular order

Run at least one 5k and one 10k
Read my scriptures every day {at least one verse} for the entire year all 366 days! Woo leap year!
Be more honest on my ole blog. Like the kind of honest that makes me sick to my stomach, delete my post kind of honest.
Get my dad's and my grandma's temple work done.

The end.

2011

This is my 2011 year in review... what I wish I would have known in a letter to myself.

Dear Me,

I know you are incredibly pregnant and uncomfortable. Keep up the walking. It gives you something to do while you wait for that sweet baby. Don't spend the entire day of January 11th crying because it's your due date and you haven't had her yet. Tomorrow life is about to get real. When your water breaks at 1am make sure you have pads ready so you don't have frantically search for them in the middle of the night, tired and totally freaking out. Oh and you should eat something bigger than a granola bar on the way to hospital. You are in labor for 16.5 hours and it'll be 24 hours since the last time you ate before you get to eat a real meal.

I know that being a new mom kind of sort of... really freaks you out. Don't be so hard on yourself so much. Take more naps during the day even though you feel guilty because Troy is working and going to school and you are just sitting at home. You aren't just sitting at home. You are taking care of baby! Plus, you are the one who has to get up every few hours to nurse {painfully} in the middle of the night. By the way, nursing hurts a lot those first few weeks. It does get better. I promise. And that tear {you know the one} it will take a lot longer than 6 weeks to heal. But it does.

Don't worry so far Izzie is a pretty easy baby. She starts sleeping through the night earlier than you think she will. And then you won't feel so crazy.

It'll take you a long time to find a job but you will find one! So will Troy. And you'll both get them about the same time and of course you won't find them until the very last minute. All of the insurance stuff will work out too. In fact, pretty much every thing you worry about works out in the end. You should really stop stressing about things all of the time.

Your new job will test you and you'll have a few days when you cry in the car. Who would have guessed that kids could be so harsh? They don't mean to be. They are just brutally honest. Keep trying! Speed Stacks don't go over as well as you hoped.

December will be a really rough month in several ways. It kinda sucks. Troy's car breaks down on Christmas day. Just be prepared for that. And for the first time ever you will be over drawn on the checking account. You'll miss dad in a new kind of way this Christmas. Izzie's laugh as she discovers the fun of knocking down block towers on Christmas night will erase all of the worry from your mind. You'll be surprised and touched by all of the people who reach out to you this month.

2011 is an amazing year. You'll be tested in so many new ways. But I promise you that you've never been this happy!

Love the most awesome person you know,
You